uh oh. i can see now that blogging is going to take over my life, but in such a very good way. my soul will be fed and it will be cleansed. everything will be in order.

i'm just up...thinking as usual and the thing/person that popped into my head was love. i am very much in love, and have been for almost two years. i have told others before him that i loved them, and in that space and time, i did. but i am, as expected, a different person, so i love him in a difference space and capacity and with a different effort.

it is a more freeing love, a more realistic love, a more selfless love. it is a love that has taught me much about myself. he has taken my heart in his hands and has made it his duty to learn each and every thing behind each and every beat that it takes. he knows me. he still is getting to know me. he makes it his mission to study me.

i am not one of those lovelorn young people that make others roll their eyes at the sickening displays of affection. that's not me. it actually took me a long time to build up the courage to become comfortable enough with placing my hand inside of his. i didn't want to get comfortable with feeling his palm against mine. i knew that once i did, i would forget what it was like before it was there--and i didn't want to do that.

i remember who i was before he found the right space to lay his head on my shoulder. i knew love. i had found it within my developing relationship with God, moreso than any other love i'd known before. i'd seen the things that God had done with my heart, and it solidified my decision to begin a lifelong love affair with Him. i knew love. i knew that it was selfless. i knew that it was enduring. and not that, "girl, all we do is fight but i don't want nobody but him i swear." it was strong. i never looked at people the same way. i've always been a nice person with a heart as soft as the biggest bed in the world, but once i came to knew God's love, i became a loving person. i exuded it.

so it only made sense that someone was brought into my life as one of the many reflections of His love for me. and like that meeting with God, it changed my life. he is more than just a boyfriend, more than just a friend. he is a mirror. if you didn't tell me different, i know that God speaks to me through him. He touches his heart with every word that he says to me. God loves me through him, and all i can do is be grateful that i don't remember what it was like before he rubbed his fingers gently inside of my palm while smiling at me with his eyes.